Just like SurajPancholi, thousands of helpless men get victimized

 Just like SurajPancholi, thousands of helpless men get victimized with threats of Suicide from wives and girlfriends every year.

Based on media reports and alleged suicide note of Jiah Khan, 22-year old SurajPancholi was arrested and sent to jail for committing the crime of abatement to suicide. We have to understand that such laws do not exist in other countries in the world. Is suicide a solution to break-ups or separation? Jiah Khan attempted suicide 8 months ago and nothing was done to ensure that she does not repeat it. It is absurd to assume that all human relations will remain everlasting in this age of modernity.Finally, women are portrayed as victims, and men as abusers.

SurajPancholi is no alone. Thousands of men across India call SIF helplines every week. Half of them have faced threats of suicide from their wives from time to time, if they do not meet her unreasonable demands. 

These men are scared. These abusive wives refuse to come to a counselor or a psychiatrist. When these young men plead to the parents of women about their suicidal nature, parents do not take it seriously. These men cannot run away from home or file for divorce, fearing that this may prompt her to commit suicide. They suffer mental and physical abuse from possessive, controlling and suspicious wives. In fact, the society laughs at them as “Harassed Husbands” rather than helping the man and making arrangements for counseling of such women. Now, this phenomenon is getting extended to relationships before marriage as well. Being obsessively possessive and controlling is not a sign of love.

In short, India is sitting on a ticking time bomb as the society refuses to recognize the issue of threats of suicide inside marriages or in relationships. The society just behaves as if such incidents are rare or wishes that this problem will go away on its own. Then, it recommends revenge on the man if the woman commits suicide. Home Ministry (NCRB) data says, 24% of all suicides in India are due to Family Reasons and 3.4% due to failed love affairs.

Here are concerns of SIF around this case:

1.      There are no checks and balances in this abatement to suicide law. SurajPancholi did not point gun at the head of Jiah Khan to force her commit suicide. Breaking-up with a girlfriend or being commitment-phobic is not a crime. As reported, Suraj did everything he could so that Jiah Khan can get some psychiatrist help, after she attempted suicide 8 months ago. One has to wonder, why Jiah’s mother did not get her to a psychiatrist.

2.      This abetment to suicide law is very selectively applied by police. When a husband commits suicide blaming torture by wife and in-laws, the police refuse to arrest the woman and her parents. However, if a wife commits suicide, the husband and in-laws go to prison for 6 months to 2 years and are presumed guilty until proven innocent. Is the life of a man cheap? Males are the disposable gender.

3.      This abetment to suicide law and the social attitudes around it actually encourage suicides, by taking away the responsibility from a person to preserve his or her own life.

4.      Many possessive women are already abusing their husbands and boyfriends and threatening suicide, if he stands his ground and defends his dignity. Arrest of SurajPancholi will only increase such incidents rapidly. A man is completely helpless here.

5.      Jiah Khan attempted suicide 8 months back. It is reported that SurajPancholi was extremely concerned about her life after that incident and he called her mother to India and he even spoke to her for taking Jiah Khan to a psychiatrist. What more can a man do? He is helpless beyond a certain point, when a woman is obsessive and suicidal?

6.      Did Jiah Khan’s mother Rabiya Amin take her to a psychiatrist or counselor, even after knowing about her attempt to commit suicide? As a mother, is not it her responsibility to ensure that her daughter handles stress and relationship troubles with help from mental health professionals?

7.      SurajPancholi and many men are victimized as the hatred against men or misandry in general is fueled by mass hysteria after incidents of rape. SIF demands an end to large scale gender hate, stereotyping and the attitude to judge men harshly. If hate cannot solve communal or religious problems, then why it is assumed that blaming men and spreading hate against men will solve crimes against women?

8.      If a young man commits suicide and he leaves a suicide note, blaming his girlfriend for hurting him, cheating on him and abusing him, will the society show same fervor in demanding arrest of the girl involved? If not, then why men are victimized for the decision for a woman to commit suicide for break up?

Threat of suicide by man is actually defined as domestic violence under Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act (PWDVA), which is applicable to both marriages and live-in relationships. A woman can get a restraining order from a court against husband and boyfriend if they threaten suicide. However, the society and the women’s organizations force Government to refuse to protect men from such forms of domestic violence. If they had, then SurajPancholi would have got a restraining order and would have legally forced Jiah Khan to get psychiatric help.

It’s a slap on the face of Bollywood

Finally, Bollywood itself has indulged in spreading large scale hatred against men in recent times, with anti-male stereotyping without looking at issue in a more academic and meaningful manner. Many Bollywood actors are full of misandry. Now, one among them has committed suicide and a budding actor is in prison. It’s a slap on Bollywood’s face and its shows how disconnected Bollywood is from group realities in spite of its false claims to transform the society.

Many actors like Shah Rukh Khan to Amitabh Bacchan have publicly proclaimed, “I am ashamed of being a man”. Shaming all men for the crimes of a few is nothing but anti-male hate or misandry. If misogyny is not healthy for the society, then how can misandry create a better society? We hope, Bollywood actor realize that in this grave hour.

In this particular case (below), a husband committed suicide blaming torture by wife and in-laws. The police did not arrest the wife and in-law even after hundreds of phone calls are made to Mumbai police by SIF members. If the law of abetment to suicide is to save people from suicide, should not it be applied equally to both genders? Or is men’s life cheaper in Indian society?

http://www.mumbaimirror.com/mumbai/crime/Chembur-man-blamed-wife-in-laws-in-suicide-note-on-bedroom-wall/articleshow/20339088.cms

SFF Demands that:

1.      Government must bring checks and balances to all laws related to suicide, like abetment to suicide and dowry deaths.

2.      Government must make domestic violence law gender neutral and protect men from wives and girlfriends, who threaten suicide every now and then.

3.      Suicidal women must be forced to undergo counseling and treatment.

4.      All laws must be made gender neutral and both genders must be treated in a fair manner.

5.      The society must take steps to curb misandry. It is challenging, because it is too easy to blame and stereotype all men citing incidents of rape or other crimes against women. Such misandry will vitiate gender relations.

6.      It must be ensured that, men’s rights to liberty, dignity and basic human rights are not snatched away in the name of empowering women.

According to National Crime Records Bureau, about 20,000 men and about 12, 000 women committed suicide in 2011 for “Family Reasons” alone.

From Save Indian Family

Drafting of bill for protection of men from intimate partner voilence is near completion

About INSAAF: “Indian Social Awareness and Activism Forum” INSAAF  is an international think tank specializing in social and gender research. Consisting entirely of intelligentsia possessing vast collective expertise in advancing social reform , legislative consultation and advisory research this Non Governmental Organization (NGO) has branches both the United States and in India. INSAAF has been invited to depose in the Rajya Sabha , Lok Sabha over 7 times on various issues India  like Prevention of Torture bill , Civil Nuclear Liability Bill , Lokpal bill , Marraige Law amendment bill , Sexual harrasment at workplace bill amongst many others. INSAAF has also actively worked in the United States Senate and House for various issues affecting Indian immigrants . We have acted as trusted advisers on national and international research studies  and have provided very credible data and unbiased factual research on various legislative issues both at the state and national level both in US and in India. We have  100's of active contributing research experts all over the world supplying us with their valuable opinion and peer reviewed research.

INSAAF has been retained by prominent Indian men's rights organisations along with  some key Members of parliament for drafting a Intimate Terror (Domestic Violence) act which specifically caters to protecting men and boys from domestic violence from their spouse , girlfriends and parents. It has been alleged that Husbands and boyfriends in Indian are specifically excluded from protected under domestic violence laws in India. Research has also shown that there have been significant demand from all quarters for creation of laws to protect men from intimate terror but all these requests have so far not led to to formulation of an actual law which is believed to have caused due to unavailability of a government forum to consider the safety and security of Indian men in general.

Preliminary Study results from INSAAF's study of Intimate Terror in India

INSAAF's researchers have collated vast amount of peer reviewed data and evidence from personal interviews of male victims, court case records , statements made by honorable courts and media articles and has determined that domestic violence abuse of Indian males falls across a wide range of categories namely

a. Physical abuse : Husbands and Male partners have presented serious evidence of been  scratched , punched , bit , things thrown at them by their female partners apart from attacks with deadly instruments. In the absence of a legal system to protect men from physical violence  these victims get little or no medical care or attention and are even unable to speak of their physical wounds due to the unavailability of a law to protect them from abuse.

b. Emotional abuse :  Demands to forcefully separate the husband from his parents and family , demand for separate residence, threat of Police action and legal recourse if the wife's demands are not met were  some of the commonly seen tactics of emotional abuse. Also , constant non-cooperation of the wife or the female partner in the smooth running of a family was another commonly seen tactic which was used to abuse husbands in case of non fulfillment of the demands of the wife.

c. Verbal abuse : Calling husbands and male partners derogatory names with an intent to demean and hurt. Names like "impotent" , "Spineless" , "Hijra(Eunuch)" have most commonly come up and were verbal abuses that were levelled against Husbands and male partners with an intent to cause pain and ignominy. Many husbands provided evidence of suffering of such verbal abuse for decades primarily due to their specific inability to earn an income as per the demands of their spouses.    

d. Legal abuse : The acts of misusing the state machinery by the wife or female partner for intent of coercing the husband or the male partner to abide by their demands. Common amongst these are misuse of IPC 498a , DV act 2005 , Rape/Molestation Laws , Denying Child custody on event of separation and Maintenance laws.

e. Economic abuse :- Constant irrational demands on the husband for purchase of jewelery , real estate , expensive clothing , automobiles , restaurant hospitality, feminine beauty products and demands for payments to family members of the wife's family was evidenced .When the husband or the male partner was unable to meet the financial demands of the female partner they were subjected to further emotional and physical abuse. A lot of data spoke of  severe economic abuse and daily non co-operatory tactics to force the man to increase his income beyond his normal means and capability. Inability of the man to earn more led to further domestic abuse and which in many cases led to legal and physical violence and an eventual divorce.


f. Sexual abuse: Using consensual physical relations to coerce a man for either financial payments and/or forced marriage . Threatening to file cases of rape and molestation after consensual physical relations. Forcing men to start families against their will and denying physical relation in a matrimonial relation if to irrational and unreasonable demands are not fulfilled.

INSAAF's study has also has taken into account the scale and propensity of abuse of husbands and males partners in India and compared that to worldwide abuse numbers . We have concluded that in in more than 50% of cases wives and females also initiated fights which led to intimate terror attacks on their male partners. The bill is going through its final touches  and  will be presented for consideration during the winter session of the parliament.

In case you need any clarification or information , feel free to Contact :
9818789236(Swarup)
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Now, a bill to safeguard men to be discussed in RS - Rediff.com ...

Men too are victims of sexual harassment: Times of India

Photo by Mark : Stop Abuse of Men at Work Place

Men too are victims of sexual harassment: Times of India

With the government contemplating whether men should be included in the Sexual Harassment at Workplace Bill, we wonder why they were left out in the first place.

If this law does not made Gender Neutral, it will destroy any men in profession let it be Police, lawyers, doctors, Judges, Politicians also, as per law any women can visit your office for her own will and then file a case and demand money in the name of Harassment!!!!!

Protection of Men from Workplace Harassment: Join Today


In spite of more than 35+ country all over the world have Gender neutral law, Indian government's LAW minister failed to make the same law Gender Neutral and all our request/data submitted to Parliament
committee had been ignored. So, it is we man have to give the moral and helping hand to such men , so that they should not silently leave the job or end their file in Suicide or suffer injustice.

Join hand together to rise your voice against such one sided biased law proposed by WCD.