Wednesday, 11 June 2014

#HugYourDad & take Vow to Stop Fatherless Child society in India on #FathersDay.

Vicks VapoRub #HugYourDad - YouTube

“This father’s day, I am expressing my love towards my dad by participating in the #HugYourDad activity at BlogAdda in association with Vicks.”

Only a Father can put his life at risk knowingly or unknowingly for his Child. Many of you would have heard this popular story: 

Once a fatherand his 8 years old daughter was to cross a river. There was only one small damaged bamboo bridge to cross the river. The chances of bridge breaking down were very high if one was to walk through the bridge.

The father asked his daughter to hold his hand tightly, so that she would not fall down.

But the daughter said, “NO”, you hold my hand instead of me holding your hand.

The father was surprised and asked his daughter the reason?

The daughter replied, “I may leave your hand by mistake, but I know you will never leave my hand in any condition”.

That is the trust and confidence a Father gives to his Child.

Recently I witnessed an Advertisement of Gillette Role Model camping, where a 9 year old boy named Rudra, fights with his friend Kush, as Kush was hitting a sixer on every ball Rudra bowled to him. Rudra started using abusive words and they both end up fighting.

When his father questions him, from where he had learned such abusive words, he innocently replied “On TV bowlers use such words for Batsmen”.  

His father then tells him to go and apologise to his friend and congratulate his friends for his success.  

The boy asks his father “Why to congratulate?”

The father asks back, “Who hit the Six?”

The boy replies, “Kush”.

Father asks again “So, should Kush not be congratulated?”

Rudra understands what his father was trying to teach him. He rushes to Kush and apologises and congratulates him. His father later approaches Rudra and tells him that he will teach Rudra new bowling technique, so that he can bowl Kush out in the first ball the next time.

Father is the first teacher any child witnesses from their childhood. 

These all are happy stories that we all remember. But there are hidden truths in Indian society and courts of LAW, where more than 95% fathers are denied the custody of a child although comparatively they are more capable of taking care of their child’s welfare. Their paternal emotions for their own children get smashed day after day in the courtrooms, but Judges continue to use fathers as FREE ATM machines.

With time more and more anti-men, anti-father laws like 498A, DV, CRPC125, adultery laws etc, family harmony is being destroyed and the couple are fighting in court across 6 to 8 cases against each other. Such fathers and husband are treated as guilty till proven innocent.

The verbal statements of a wife are considered as gospel truth, irrespective of the audio/video evidence husbands and fathers provide, irrespective of their heart wrenching distress that is evident to all present in the courtrooms. Everyone, but the judges can see that he is not at fault, and label him a criminal, a worthless, incapable father unless higher courts state otherwise.

On average it takes between 5 to 7 years to prove a man his innocence. Historically and statistically, in more than 90% cases courts eventually find Husbands and fathers not at fault. However by this time he has lost 5 to 7 years of his golden years that he would have lived and shared with his loved child. No court, no society, no sympathy, nobody, not even Almighty God can give back those precious years to a husband, a father. While a father lives in pain during these years, a child misses out on all the love, affection, care, guidance that the child would have received from his father.

The most unbearable pain such fathers get is the pain of being deprived to meet and share moments with their own child or children. Many a times, when such pain crosses a certain threshold, fathers see no choice but to end their lives to stop living with such unbearable pain. In SIF, we have witnessed numerous cases where men have ended their lives silently, but at the same time being apologetic to their children for not having suffered ongoing pain. On various video sharing websites like Youtube, one can find many videos like that of Syed Makhdoom who have left final messages for their children and the world.

As a SIF moderator, in last 10 years, I have seen more than 7000+ cases, where a husband has been treated just like a free ATM machine. To get a basic visiting right for his child, court keeps giving dates after date. After many years of a long painful fight against the rotten, corrupt system, when he does eventually get a legal right, the wife does not obey the court order and poisons the child’s mind against his own father, labelling him as the worst person in the world; as ifDawood Ibrahim would be a better person than his own father.  

Anish Aggarwal, a 38 years old bright Software engineer, has been paying Rs 6000 per month for the past 2 years as maintenance to his child; however he continues to wait to meet his child. He continues to endure this pain in hope. Hope that one day he will be able to meet his child, give him a hug and shower his blessings upon the child. His child and he continue to miss those precious moments that they both deserve and need as humans.

Mr. ShymalVikram, 39 years old, HR manager in a MNC, managed to see his child in the 8th year after paying Rs 8000 per month for 7 years. He was over the moon when he met his child. However who will return those precious 7 years of love and affection that he wanted to give and his child had right to receive? 

Mr. KunalMitra, had child visiting order in hand for 3 year, but failed to meet his child. When he reached in front of his wife’s home to meet his child, she filed more cases like Domestic violence to threaten him. Why has society given such ludicrous powers to wives that they continue to misuse and destroy a father and his love for his child?

Mr. Ashish Sarkar, 38 years old works in a media house. For the last 2 years he has been fighting in a court to find out if his child is a son or a daughter, let alone see the child. His wife on the other hand seeks maintenance for the child! Where is humanity heading, where is our Indian society moving towards with so much greed and selfishness?  

Mr. Ashish Sarkar, had a judgment, where the judge clearly mentioned in maintenance cases order, that it is totally unfair on part of wife to hide the child’s sex. Unfortunately due to rampant gender bias and blindness towards men and fathers, he cant do anything against such injustice even in a court. Why do we have a judicial system that is so diseased and disabled? 

Similar to such real life situations, such injustice to Indian fathers is rampant. India is heading speedily towards a fatherless society.  

In a recent letter, a Delhi based NGO Save Family Foundation questioned WCD (Women and child Ministry) on Father’s Day - Can a Child get Divorced?( Link )

They also cited statistics on how a Fatherless society is dangerous:

As we know fathers play a vital role in the development of a child. In United States of America, reported statistics inform us that Children from fatherless homes are:
1. 5 times more likely to commit suicide
2. 32 times more likely to run away from home.
3. 20 times more likely to have behavioural disorders
4. 9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
5. 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances (become drug addicts)

In India, if you were to go through the crime data on Children and Adolescents, you will notice that more than 70 percent are fatherless children while more than 90 percent of call girls under prostitution net, confirm that they don’t have a father.

But will our LAW makers, WCD and Court Judges ever understand this and should they continue to use fathers as Free ATM machine only? If only money were able to provide a good welfare fora child, then all children from rich homes would have good moral characters and would never have any criminal records.
A child needs a teacher, a trusting relationship, a guiding friend, a loving father and a figure who has a God-like nature for blessings. Only a father can provide these as a single entity on this planet. These cannot be bought by money and no other human can give these to a child the way a Father does.

Now a days we witness Supreme Court, LAW makers and radical feminist groups advocating mediation/counselling from women’s cells all across the country. However these women cells have become cells of legal extortion and blackmailing cells for desperate, distressed fathers.

In my opinion as an advocate for Family harmony and child benefit, I suggest that children should have access to both parents irrespective of whether couple are able to reunite or separate amicably. That should be a standard process if we are to keep the child’s welfare at the forefront. Clearly a child cannot express such common-sense desire in women’s cell or Police stations or the NGO heads who are too often blinded in the name of women empowerment.

Please don’t kill the emotion of a Father for his child, an emotion that cannot be created or duplicated by force, law or threats. Biased practices in the courtrooms and society also kill the emotions of a child that are created by nature. Such emotional bonds are needed for a normal development of a child physically, emotionally, morally, spiritually and socially.

Very sadly, many lawyers, judges and others with blinded vision feel proud when a wife gets complete child custody or receives a big fat amount of money in the name of child care. Commonly we hear “A child has been united by his mother”. Nobody says “A child has been separated from his Father”. Such children become and remain fatherless forever.

As responsible adults, we must encourage children to meet separated Father’s home every weekend and whenever there is an opportunity, instead of supervised visitations or meetings limited to family court premises or within a park etc.

We must seek Law makers and Politicians to Grant immediate and equal (child) access to both parents, to legislate laws and make co-parenting mandatory to prevent expanding a fatherless society.


Anonymous said...

I have heard a few stories where families have been destroyed because of these biased laws - where there is no protection for men - under the existing laws. It is very true that atrocities against women are not only on the rise but becoming horrendous by every passing day. As a society, we are losing credence in our own eyes and must raise our voice against unfair gender atrocities and persuade the government to come-up with appropriate laws where justice prevails by all means without any bias. Guilty should not be spared or allowed to go scot free- whoever it might be.

Partha said...

Increasingly our society is being converted into a fatherless society. Very soon men will be only sperm donors and not fathers. To save the value of fathers we need to celebrate father's day in a big way.