#BackFromTheDead A Day in Women Cell!!

On the eve of Save Indian Family (SIF) foundation day , many people will not be knowing that in India the suicide rate of married men are increasing by rocket high , every 9 min one mother or sister lost their married son or brother.

This is a true story of a Delhi Based Guy, who once loved some one and marry her and send me this mail in 2005: A Day in Women Cell !!

It reminds me his humiliated face in Saturday weekly meeting in 2005, when he just came out from the women cell date.

 

498A, DV Laws create such stories everyday!!

Police officer to Menaka "What do you want?” Do you want to go back or you want to have mutual divorce? IO, a police officer (CAW Cell in charge) asks Menaka.

Menaka : I tried my best but now I want a divorce as I can’t go back.

Police Officer: So, how do you want divorce.

Menaka : If he (Husband), can compensate me with 20 lacs, I shall go for mutual divorce.

Police Officer to Husband: Tell me man, what do you want? Do you agree to pay 20 lacs?

Husband : Sir, I wanted to have my wife back but now, if she is asking for divorce, I’m left with no other option but to comply to her desire. 20 lacs this is a huge amount and I don’t have it. My wife has already taken all what we had as our mutual saving and so, paying 20 lacs now to her, is now next to impossible for me.

Menaka : But we have spent even more than that over the marriage and so, I will not agree on anything less than this.

Police Officer: Ok, let’s do it like this, you both go to other room and discuss what the best figure you can agree on this.

Husband: Sir, I don’t want to go anywhere as I’ve no faith left. What she will agree with me at the back may deny later and so, let’s talk about it here only.

Menaka : There is no need to discuss any further as I’ll not agree on any other figure.

Police Officer to the husband: Decide man, I think you should agree to what she is asking else things will become difficult for you and your family.

Husband: Sir, please have mercy on us. I’ll not be able to pay this much. I can still try to pay somewhere around 50% of what is being asked by selling my fathers house as what I had saved that she has already taken.

Police Officer: I don’t think you have much of a choice but still I give you some more time to think about it. You can think over it once again for another 2 hrs. I suggest, check all your resources and then after 2 hrs from now, you all have to come here in my office again. Please do not try to take this lightly as you and your family is in big trouble already.

After 2 hrs

Police Officer to the husband: So, tell us what have you decided?

Husband: Sir, I have checked all my resources and honestly telling you that paying 20 lacs is not just possible for me.

Menaka’s Brother to the Police Officer: Sir, this fellow is telling a lie. He has 2 houses and a car and he is holding good position in a MNC. He can definitely pay this amount.

Menaka : I’ve told my final figure, officer. I’ve no time to waste. If they do not agree to my demand, I want you to take an action against them and file an FIR for dowry harassment.

Police Office to the husband: Look man, I’m left with no other option but to comply to the ladies desire if you don’t agree to her demand. You have old father & mother, why you don’t agree.

You know because of your adamant attitude, your old parents will have to suffer along with you. I suggest, you sign this agreement and pay your wife the amount she is asking else you guys will have to go to prison....PRISION. ..PRISION. ....!!

Husband shocked! One hand it is his wife demanding openly in front of Police officer 20lacks, but the same had not been termed as crime, but without any evidence he termed criminal along with his mother and married sisters.

Came back to home, socked, and depressed thinking how such injustice can be done with him? 

He is not afraid to go to jail, but why his mother and married sisters to be termed as criminal? 

He did not find any hope and started to search in internet “how to suicide “ and found a link some where Save Indian Family - Yahoo Groups  is a strong team of dedicated families comprising of victims of misuse of 498A, Misuse of R@pe law & all gender biased laws of India .

They run self supported volunteer’s helpline also and he called them for help or going to end his life .He was again shocked to know every 9 min one married men ending their life in India and no one have any concern.

When he called me , I asked him , what you will get by ending the life ? 

 

Do you think they will spare your mother or sisters if you die? We have enough examples after death of husband still his mother/sisters running in court under DV or 498A cases.

He asked so that to do?

I gave him the formula: Your stress = Uncertainty x Importance. First make one of them Zero. Your fear of arrest you are giving too much importance and the uncertainty, will you get bail or not going to vanish.

So, we decide if Bhagaht Singh can go to jail , why not we? 

If at all we have to die, let go to jail and then in jail itself will start hunger strike against such injustice but will not waste the life like more than 68000 married men are doing every year.

He made the importance Zero of fear to go to jail and cancel the idea of ending his life and became a commando of SIF movement.

Start reading RTI , various LAW books , Judgments and never miss the weekly meeting of SIF .

Few hours back seen his Facebook post as : " Today is my happiest day in life, court had given verdict in my 498A case and my mother, sister along with me given clean chit , we are found not guilty. Yes I have done it. "

#BackFromTheDead  A Day in Women Cell!!

THIS IS A HELL FOR THOSE WHO HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT AND A STORY FOR OTHERS.

 

Does your Wife/Girlfriend threat to suicide?

Many girlfriends or wives are physically, emotionally, financially and socially abusive to men. Many other girlfriends and wives place unreasonable demands on men such as asking men to discontinue relationships with their family and friends. Is your girlfriend or wife threatening to commit suicide when you tell her that you do not wish to continue your relationship anymore due to her such abusive nature or unacceptable demands?

If so, this blog will hopefully help you end such abuse without feeling guilty and also save you from more damage from your soon-to-be ex. However the ‘mantra’ to achieve this is patience. Never ever file for a divorce out of impulse or think about remarriage for another 2-3 years. 

The first step is to realize that her threats of ending life are not because of you. These are primarily due to the difficulties and trauma she has faced in life before she met you. You can never save someone who has her mind fixed on ending her life. You will be fooling yourself into believing that you can save such a person; worse still you might end your life in the process. We as humans like to believe that we can save such lives, but the bitter truth is we cant. 

You must understand that the threats of suicide are usually, I stress again ‘usually’ a method to regain control of a situation that has gotten out of hand for her. If you are the one who wants to end such an abusive relationship, your girlfriend or wife has clearly lost that control and she now wants it back. Threatening to harm oneself can be a way of frightening you into compliance. In India due to laws like IPC (Indian Penal Code) 306 and 304B, your girlfriend or wife will think that by threatening, she can control you and make you to accept all her wishes. It is purely a blackmailing and extortion tool for her. 

So you would wonder how serious the threat really is. You must know this person well. Ask yourself: is she moody, depressed, and prone to suicidal ideas in general? If not, her threats could still be serious. 

You can't simply dismiss the idea, but you should not be taken in by a desperation move either.

As yourself this: Does she have a plan? For example is she saying:

"I'm going to take pills" or

"I'm going to shoot myself"

“I’m going to set myself on fire”

“I’m going to hang my self”

“I’m going to jump off from a height”

If so, you need to think, does she have the means to carry out this plan? For example having access to pills, a gun, inflammable material etc. 

If it seems like a random threat out of nowhere from a person not usually morose, despondent or depressed, there is a good chance that she is simply desperate to stop you from leaving, and wants to say something shocking enough to make you stay. Again, I would stress that ‘there is a good chance’. There is always that risk that she may be serious when she is making these threats. 

Assuming that you believe there is little chance of an actual suicide attempt, be direct and let her know you need to talk seriously. Don't beat around the bush by asking what kind of day she had or telling a cute story about your own day.

Sit down and say that you are ending the relationship. If the threat is made, you can say, "That is not fair. You are trying to make me feel guilty and hold me hostage to your threats." You must avoid saying "I don't believe you." This can serve to "egg on" someone who wasn't actually particularly serious about ending their life. Your approach of being honest and straightforward will "turn the guilt around" and deflect it back on the person threatening suicide.

Don't stay back. Often, staying with the person simply allows the situation to escalate, and the person will threaten even more to the point of becoming hysterical and losing control herself. This escalation can turn something not so serious into something deadly. The more impulsive she is, the more likely she will act on something rash and stupid. If you leave, this will put an end to the drama right there. 

You should then leave the place and call 100 number or the appropriate emergency services if you have any doubts about the intention of the threat being lethal. Inform them of what happened that day. Be clear about the threats made, and add details such as "she said she had a knife and I got scared, so I left," or "she said she planned to shoot herself. I think there actually may be a gun in that house." Always demand for professional medical help.

Let professionals deal with your ex. Threatening suicide is not always a deadly proposition; sometimes it is just a ploy to get you to agree to her terms. Your fear that she will hurt herself makes you stick around and this prolongs the breakup. Even if this person is serious about ending her life, you are not equipped to deal with it. She needs and deserves professional help, and you need to get out of the way and allow someone who has the education and training to ride in to the rescue.

• Your heart/emotions are vulnerable at that time and will not allow you to pull yourself out of an unhealthy and destructive relationship.
• No matter how trivial you may believe the threat is, be sure to tell someone who knows your ex about it. Tell her friend, mother, brother, or sister and inform them that you are sorry, that it is impossible to meet her all illogical demands and these are beyond your capacity. Please do list down all her demands. Also inform them that her such threats have left you scared of her and for her. Let them know that you hope they will check on your ex and make sure she is okay. Then leave it at that.
• You must also watch for stalking behavior. People who threaten suicide can become obsessive, and when their threats fail to control you and make you stay in the relationship, their threats can shift from them to you. If you notice any sort of stalking type behaviors, e.g. she is following you to your place of work or school, she is waiting for you when you leave for the day, she is spotted in her car parked near your house at odd hours, she is continually sending letters, emails, texts and calling you despite repeated requests; you must call the Police and report this. 
• If necessary, get a restraining order for your own safety. Be sure you call the Police each and every time you see her following you, so that you establish a pattern that the police can track. Don't respond to texts or calls from her when you are outside the home. These may be attempts to try to drag the breakup and get you to reconsider your decision. If you remain unavailable, every single day that passes by makes her comfortable without you. If it truly is just a theatrical attempt to shock you into reconsidering the breakup, this will pass. 

Finally if at all she attempts to end her life, always insist for registration of FIR and send her for professional help. Never ever try to salvage a dead relationship, because gender biased laws like 304B, 498A, Domestic violence law, etc will label you a criminal irrespective of whatever efforts you take to save her.

The moment you enter into a relationship with such a girlfriend or wife, you must accept that your life can never be that of any other common man. You must realize the difficulty you are in and must start reading law books and seeking legal advice. 

You must remember that you cannot stay in a relationship to save her. If you try to do this, she learns that she will get her way every single time something goes wrong in your relationship. It has worked once, right? Moreover with every threat, the danger increases since she has to up the ante to prove how real the threat is. So don't put yourself or her in the position of going through this over and over again. When you mean to end it, end it, regardless of the threats.

Suicide threats ground for divorce: SC - The Times of India

 

Want to be Termed Useless Husband? Buy Useless Asian Paints product.

Ms. Deepika Bhardwaj, a Journalist and Documentary Film maker recently brought to our notice in SIF Yahoo group that an extremely condescending campaign from Asian Paints has started which is called ‘Husbands are Useless’ as they cannot select the right color of the house. Ms Bhardwaj believes that all sensible people, men and women alike must protest against such Company’s’ Useless activities to sell their Useless products. 

Many members had already started to file compliant at Advertising Standards Council Of India .

Mr. Janak Merchant wrote to Mr. Ashwin Dani,  Mr.Ashwin Choksi, and Mr. Abhay Vakil, of Asian Paints: Are you all three aware about this campaign being run by your company on Facebook? “Husbands are useless.”

Are you aware that it is not at all humorous? What does the caption say? Is it not insulting to husbands? Has your own company been built by useless husbands? Are married shareholder husbands of Asian Paints useless? Your campaign caption itself means that the married people working in your company all are useless, including the directors of your company who all are married, including the workers who actually paint walls of your customers. I have met you in the AGMs and have been your company shareholder and recently for my new flat also I used Asian Paints. Now the obvious choice would be Kansai. I hope you all realize that till this campaign has been launched there were many who used your product. Many now will not. If your marketing dept does not know how to use their brains then it is high time that only rational people appointed. Otherwise why don't they also start another campaign "wives are useless?" Well it would be highly irrational to even recommend that.

Dr. Dinesh Khanna, a practicing doctor from UK emailed: I am deeply saddened and ashamed to watch your adverts 'Husbands are useless'. This is the height of spreading misandry in the society. It is because of people like you that Men and husbands in generally get a bad reputation without doing anything wrong. Because of people and companies like you, lakhs of Indian husbands suffer in silence because of the widespread misandry in society.

If the creators of the video are men/husbands, I think they would need a serious psychological review since this symptom of lowered self-esteem is a clear sign of depressive disorder. Lack/poor sense of humor is suggestive of autism or aspersers syndrome. I am sure the creators suffer from either of these two conditions. I also wonder if the male employees and stakeholders of the company also feel they are useless. If so, then God save the company!

It is one thing to be artistic; it is another to be out rightly prejudiced. I hope someone will drop-in a complaint against your company and sue you for airing such a misandrous advertisement, Shameful indeed.

Since I have Indian roots, it becomes my responsibility to oppose anything that divides the nation and seeds hatred within India. I vow never to use any Asian paints product and will ask others to shun using your products within India and abroad.

Mr. Partha Sadhukhan, a blogger has created a blog The 'Useless' husband speaks | The fighter for innocent people .

In his blog, Mr Sadhukhan draws our attention to how Asian paints have replied with monotonous answers when many Indians have started to complain about the advert. Asian paints are deluded that the advert is ‘humorous’ and no husbands have been hurt. Mr Sadhukhan also brought to our notice that the company has 14 directors and all are husbands, so naturally the question arises whether their company directors are useless. How can the company assure a common man that their product and service are not useless? If the directors of the company are useless husbands themselves, if they are failing to select the color of their own homes, how they can claim they can offer a common man useful advice or useful product?

If we see some news it proved beyond reasonable dought how the uselessness of their sales/marketing team failed to get sufficient order to run their factory and company came out various excuses for shut down of plant , as a Marketing man is not difficult to understand , if company have sufficient order flow , they never go for shut down in excuses.

Asian Paints shuts powder coatings plant at Baddi, Himachal Pradesh

 Asian Paints shuts down plant operations in Tamil Nadu - IndiaInfoline

 Asian Paints temporarily shuts two plants in Egypt - The Economic ...

Now if any advertisement had been made labeling a wife as USELESS in the name of Humor, not only Women’s organizations, but all media anchors would have bashed them left, right and center. Does their useless marketing team have courage to term any wife as USELESS in any of their advertisements? If they dare create such an advert labeling a wife, they will face the wrath of women’s organizations and media; and will then realize labeling someone USELESS is not funny.

In the last 2-3 days I have received various complaints not only from husbands, but also from many women expressing concern that such type of advertisements are creating disharmony in their family as their husbands feel ridiculed since they had purchased Asian paints for their home.

The advertisements labeling Husbands are useless, is nothing but promoting domestic violence against men by their wives through verbal, mental and economical abuse. This will definitely lead to disharmony in our society, arguments within the family and hence lead to souring of relationships.

I would urge the company to immediately remove such advertisements and offer an apology and a promise that such sexist, provocative, hurtful and demeaning advertisements would never be created by them. An arrogant reply that husbands have not been hurt and the advert is in good humor will not be accepted.

So that they can smell the coffee, I would also urge the company directors and its employees to refer to NCRB (National Crime Records Bureau), which reports that in India every year more than 68,000 married men end their lives. This equates to death of a husband every 9 minutes in India. Such adverts will only worsen the situation. The face of crime is rapidly changing and I would want them to realize that crime knows no gender. Please read this Wife engages contract killers to bump off husband .

I will be waiting for the necessary action from the company. I also propose taking strong action against all those people and companies who create such male-hating advertisements. Till the time Asian paints do not remove the advert, I will request all our SIF and associated members to Boycott all Asian Paints product and company shares. I have already sold all my shares of Asian Paints due to their Useless advert. We may be labelled Useless by them but we do have brains!

If their marketing team is so Useless that they need to demean a gender, I suggest the company to come to us at SIF. Our members work in TOP MNCs all across the world in the fields of Sales, Marketing & Media and we have created wonderful advertisements that carry mass appeal. If we can make adverts for Google, we can make adverts for Asian paints as well that are not demeaning, hurtful and obnoxious. We will ensure that our advert helps promote the product and also encourages domestic harmony within the family.

Asian paints must stop creating and sharing such useless adverts from immediate effect and also do some CSR activity for the welfare of men. These vulnerable men end their lives due to domestic violence in their own homes and inadvertently such adverts are promoting such violence against men.

Swarup Sarkar

Founder member of Save Family Foundation, Delhi

Same happened with me, and I out of my own misandry did not question that why my so callled wife is my nominee but her nominee is her father.

We should kill our self misandry before we expect from others. pic.twitter.com/mTksUCiiB7

— KanpuriaLaunda (@KanpuriaLaunda) August 7, 2020

Save Indian Family Movement - Foundation Day

Save Indian Family ( SIF)  Movement started on 10th March and this is the first time that we have planned to Celebrate what we always should have celebrated : Save Indian Family Movement - Foundation Day This Foundation day marks the start of Hope, Hope that Men can live with Dignity, with Respect, with their own Aspirations and Life.

SIF came into formation on 10th March 2005 (see the cover picture of this event) and to Celebrate this biggest step towards Men's welfare and to give hope to Families across the globe, we are celebrating Foundation Day in 2014.

It takes 9 months for a child to take birth, it took us 9 years to celebrate the Foundation of the very backbone of the SIF Movement . And we celebrate it on 9th March 2014.

So there is a mega celebration happening in Delhi and ALL ARE INVITED along with your Parents and family.

We would be unveiling the FIRST EVER Magazine of SIF, namely "Save Family Magazine".

All members are invited to share Articles, Poetry, Stories, Research in Save Family Magazine. Language would be English and the Word Limit is 1500-2000 words.

This magazine will mark our step into publications and we will make the BEST mark with it.

On the Eve of Foundation day a "Save Family Magazine" will be lunched print as well as e-copy also.

Coming Soon : 

Every Men in India are under high risk of #Fakecases at Home, Office, Road due to multiple anti-Men #Unfairlaw - which became Blackmailing/Extortion Tool. To survive or #FightBack knowledge is Key. Law is not any rocket Science. Buy & start Read Law Books Now!

Harmony in society: Swarup Sarkar at TEDxGBU

Harmony in society: Swarup Sarkar at TEDxGBU

• by TEDxTalks

Founder member: Save Family Foundation
Promoting family & marital harmony to support/help the distressed men and their families.

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Every Men in India are under high risk of #Fakecases at Home, Office, Road due to multiple anti-Men #Unfairlaw - which became Blackmailing/Extortion Tool. To survive or #FightBack knowledge is Key. Law is not any rocket Science. Buy & start Read Law Books Now!

Was Iswar Chandra Vidyasagar a spineless Mama's Boy?

Iswar Chandra Vidyasagar

After meeting more than 6500 people in SIF and more than 250 Feminist, my only advice to all women who want a happy married life and their Husbands as equal partner in their life is - never ever use the word "mama's boy  directly or indirectly to your Husband. The relationship between a Child and a mother in India is not made by any force or Law or by meeting on Facebook or at some pool party or by calculating the combination of beauty or brain. 

You may get some success temporally to detach your husband from his parents and made him a "Joru-Ka- Gulam" but you had given him so much pain that he may not express the same by crying in front of you but he had already termed you a Happiness Killer in his life and will definitely outburst one day and then no Law of the land or your funded campaign on TV/movie/society will able to save your relationship. More than 90% relationship become soared as Women directly or indirectly indicates their Husband as a Mama's Boy.

In our school days many of us might have read the story of Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar who took the initiative in proposing and pushing the Widow Remarriage Act XV of 1856 (26 July) in India. 

But Vidaysagar was very fond of his mother and was very obedient of her. Once during his early education years, while he was staying and studying away from home, his mother asked him to come and visit her. When he arrived at the river bank, all the boatmen refused to cross the river because of an impending storm. Unable to persuade anyone as all the boatmen were afraid of the bad weather, he started swimming across the river. This anecdote of his life not only symbolizes his fearlessness and bravery but also his blind obedience to his mother whom he loved and revered very much.

Now in 21st century many bold women as well as many alpha men who claims to be icons of feminism and champions of women empowerment may term him as a "Mama's Boy "

Ramesh Singhinia 34, working in an MNC in Delhi as HR manager, had been continuously reminded to directly or indirectly that don't be a mama's boy by his self claimed bold/educated wife. Every effort had been made to detach him from his mother who lives in West Bengal along with her husband.

Mr. Singhinia had been termed as a spineless mama's boy when his wife wanted to wear a Bikini in a family function which was held in a Club. His mother advised his bold and educated wife not to do the same. Whatever love, care, gift, jewellery, cloths she had given to her daughter-in-law became immaterial and her such advice was termed as regressive and abusive. She was even termed as a criminal and dowry seeker under 498A.

Mr. Singhinia reached the Women cell, observed openly in front of DCP his 21st century bold educated wife demanding from him: "Your mum should not come to our home and you should not even keep any relation with your mother. It is too much to handle to your mother's all old fashioned advice/customs. Choose for yourself, you want your mother or me, your wife. If you can't detach yourself from your mother give me 75 lakhs by selling your home which is under joint name with your mother and I will agree for a divorce".

Mr. Singhinia refused to buckle under such blackmailing, result after one month 498A was registered and the case reached to a Delhi court. In front of the Judge the wife kept repeating the same demand. Surprised, even the Judge was silently observing the same without any reaction as recently Supreme Court of India told any absurd verbal allegations by Daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law first register the 498A FIR. Let the Trial court decide the allegations wrong or right, till then the mother have to live as a dowry seeker for next 10 to 12 years, but FIR should not be quashed on the ground of abuse the process of LAW.

Mr. Singhinia’s mother is not alone, many mothers had been already thrown out of their own house under DV act or living silently under the ill treatment by their daughters-in-law, but there is no law by which she can seek justice under present Domestic Violence act or 498A.

Now Mr. Singhinia joined SIF movement and decided to fight the case for Next 20 years in court, prefer to be a proud Mama's boy than a "Joru-Ka-Ghulam" and Mrs. Singhinia joined award winning Feminist group and nowadays teaching Indian men how to be a good life-partner like Savan Kumar who took his wife to London to see smile on her face.

Hope very soon the biography of Iswar Chandra Vidyasagar is also going to be out of our text book soon (the name and place had been changed to protect the victim's identity).