Just like SurajPancholi, thousands of
helpless men get victimized with threats of Suicide from wives and girlfriends
every year.
Based on
media reports and alleged suicide note of Jiah Khan, 22-year old SurajPancholi
was arrested and sent to jail for committing the crime of abatement to suicide.
We have to understand that such laws do not exist in other countries in the
world. Is suicide a solution to break-ups or separation? Jiah Khan attempted
suicide 8 months ago and nothing was done to ensure that she does not repeat
it. It is absurd to assume that all human relations will remain everlasting in
this age of modernity.Finally, women are portrayed as victims, and men as
abusers.
SurajPancholi is no alone. Thousands of men across India call SIF helplines every week. Half of them have faced threats of suicide from their wives from time to time, if they do not meet her unreasonable demands.
These men are scared. These
abusive wives refuse to come to a counselor or a psychiatrist. When these young
men plead to the parents of women about their suicidal nature, parents do not
take it seriously. These men cannot run away from home or file for divorce,
fearing that this may prompt her to commit suicide. They suffer mental and
physical abuse from possessive, controlling and suspicious wives. In fact, the
society laughs at them as “Harassed Husbands” rather than helping the man and
making arrangements for counseling of such women. Now, this phenomenon is
getting extended to relationships before marriage as well. Being obsessively
possessive and controlling is not a sign of love.
In short, India is sitting on a ticking time bomb as the society refuses to recognize the issue of
threats of suicide inside marriages or in relationships. The society just
behaves as if such incidents are rare or wishes that this problem will go away
on its own. Then, it recommends revenge on the man if the woman commits
suicide. Home Ministry (NCRB) data says, 24% of all suicides in India are due
to Family Reasons and 3.4% due to failed love affairs.
Here are concerns of SIF around this
case:
1.
There are no
checks and balances in this abatement to suicide law. SurajPancholi did not
point gun at the head of Jiah Khan to force her commit suicide. Breaking-up
with a girlfriend or being commitment-phobic is not a crime. As reported, Suraj
did everything he could so that Jiah Khan can get some psychiatrist help, after
she attempted suicide 8 months ago. One has to wonder, why Jiah’s mother did
not get her to a psychiatrist.
2.
This abetment to
suicide law is very selectively applied by police. When a husband commits
suicide blaming torture by wife and in-laws, the police refuse to arrest the
woman and her parents. However, if a wife commits suicide, the husband and
in-laws go to prison for 6 months to 2 years and are presumed guilty until
proven innocent. Is the life of a man cheap? Males are the disposable gender.
3.
This abetment to
suicide law and the social attitudes around it actually encourage suicides, by
taking away the responsibility from a person to preserve his or her own life.
4.
Many possessive
women are already abusing their husbands and boyfriends and threatening
suicide, if he stands his ground and defends his dignity. Arrest of SurajPancholi
will only increase such incidents rapidly. A man is completely helpless here.
5.
Jiah Khan
attempted suicide 8 months back. It is reported that SurajPancholi was
extremely concerned about her life after that incident and he called her mother
to India and he even spoke to her for taking Jiah Khan to a psychiatrist. What
more can a man do? He is helpless beyond a certain point, when a woman is
obsessive and suicidal?
6.
Did Jiah Khan’s
mother Rabiya Amin take her to a psychiatrist or counselor, even after knowing
about her attempt to commit suicide? As a mother, is not it her responsibility
to ensure that her daughter handles stress and relationship troubles with help
from mental health professionals?
7.
SurajPancholi and
many men are victimized as the hatred against men or misandry in general is
fueled by mass hysteria after incidents of rape. SIF demands an end to large
scale gender hate, stereotyping and the attitude to judge men harshly. If hate
cannot solve communal or religious problems, then why it is assumed that
blaming men and spreading hate against men will solve crimes against women?
8.
If a young man
commits suicide and he leaves a suicide note, blaming his girlfriend for
hurting him, cheating on him and abusing him, will the society show same fervor
in demanding arrest of the girl involved? If not, then why men are victimized
for the decision for a woman to commit suicide for break up?
Threat of suicide by man is actually
defined as domestic violence under Protection of Women from Domestic Violence
Act (PWDVA), which is applicable to
both marriages and live-in relationships. A
woman can get a restraining order from a court against husband and boyfriend if
they threaten suicide. However, the society and the women’s organizations
force Government to refuse to protect men from such forms of domestic violence.
If they had, then SurajPancholi would have got a restraining order and would
have legally forced Jiah Khan to get psychiatric help.
It’s a
slap on the face of Bollywood
Finally,
Bollywood itself has indulged in spreading large scale hatred against men in
recent times, with anti-male stereotyping without looking at issue in a more
academic and meaningful manner. Many Bollywood actors are full of misandry.
Now, one among them has committed suicide and a budding actor is in prison.
It’s a slap on Bollywood’s face and its shows how disconnected Bollywood is
from group realities in spite of its false claims to transform the society.
Many
actors like Shah Rukh Khan to Amitabh Bacchan have publicly proclaimed, “I am
ashamed of being a man”. Shaming all men for the crimes of a few is nothing but
anti-male hate or misandry. If misogyny is not healthy for the society, then
how can misandry create a better society? We hope, Bollywood actor realize that
in this grave hour.
In
this particular case (below), a husband committed suicide blaming torture by
wife and in-laws. The police did not arrest the wife and in-law even after
hundreds of phone calls are made to Mumbai police by SIF members. If the law
of abetment to suicide is to save people from suicide, should not it be applied
equally to both genders? Or is men’s life cheaper in Indian society?
SFF Demands
that:
1.
Government must
bring checks and balances to all laws related to suicide, like abetment to
suicide and dowry deaths.
2.
Government must
make domestic violence law gender neutral and protect men from wives and
girlfriends, who threaten suicide every now and then.
3.
Suicidal women
must be forced to undergo counseling and treatment.
4.
All laws must be
made gender neutral and both genders must be treated in a fair manner.
5.
The society must
take steps to curb misandry. It is challenging, because it is too easy to blame
and stereotype all men citing incidents of rape or other crimes against women.
Such misandry will vitiate gender relations.
6.
It must be
ensured that, men’s rights to liberty, dignity and basic human rights are not
snatched away in the name of empowering women.
According
to National Crime Records Bureau, about 20,000 men and about 12, 000 women
committed suicide in 2011 for “Family Reasons” alone.
From Save
Indian Family
