Men as victims of Marital Rape

Rape is Rape. It is not a gender issue. When a woman rapes (sex without mutual consent) our Indian society colors the act with terms like loving or affectionate. Sadly some women consider such acts as their birth right over men. If a man tries to fight back or resist or even dreams of speaking the truth, he himself is labelled as rapist instead of being considered a Victim of rape.

 

Rape is rape, regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. It can be a total stranger; someone you recognize by sight, but have never really communicated with; someone you know superficially, a neighbor or a colleague; a friend, a Girl-friend or a former Girlfriend; a live-in partner, or a former partner; someone you are married to or have been married to in the past.

 

As per Rape law, any sex without mutual consent should be considered as “Rape”. However the blinded Indian LAW assumes that the Victim of Rape can only be a woman and men are never “Raped”.

 

Rape is a very personal and intimate traumatic experience. Our experiences of and reactions to rape may differ widely. Although there are many similarities in the way that we feel about being the victim of rape, regardless of the relationship between us and the rapist, there are differences between stranger and intimate rape. In this section we are trying to describe and offer an understanding of some of the specific problems regarding marital rape (or rape by an intimate) as opposed to stranger rape.

 

Please note that in this page we refer to wives and husbands, however, it can be understood to refer to all rapes perpetrated by an intimately related person. Also, we are only looking at rape and sexual assault on men, since this is by far the most common situation but never recognized by Government or LAW makers. The result of such heinous crimes is that every year, we witness twice as many Husbands committing suicide than wives. This statistic is clear from the National Crime Records Bureau report (2005). Rape and sexual abuse also occur with similar frequency in same-sex relationships.

Historically, all cultures have had a concept of a spouses' conjugal right  to sexual intercourse with each other to curb illegitimate children and also to start apart from being an animal. The proposition of Christian teachings which influence Western culture need be considered; in particular, St. Paul's teaching: "For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer". Such teachings led to the institution of marriage.

However with time, women raised their voice, created new laws to shut men up and gained a wholesale free license to rape husbands. We have often heard Feminist, male hating ministers openly telling media “It is the turn to suffer the men”, “Do not trust men, trust condom”.. but still Indian men prefer to keep silence than object to such comments openly.

·        Different types of rape

Marital rape is generally sub-divided into three categories: those rapes, which involve a degree of violence, those that use enough force to control the victim, known as 'force-only' rapes, and sadistic rapes.

·         Violent rape occurs, as the name suggests, when the abuser uses enough physical violence to cause injury to the victim (biting, digging nails in, damaging private parts). Examples would include the wife punching his Husband or injuring him with her nails or teeth, as he is too tired after hard work in office and wants some rest when he comes home rather than satisfy his wives sexual lust. Such rapes either become part of a violent assault, or the violence becomes part of marital rape on husband. Many rapist wives will also force their Husbands to submit to sexual acts after a physical assault, either to prove her power to him or to further intimidate and humiliate him. Commonly in such instances if the Husband should refuse such an act, the threat of further violence (or another assault on him!) will soon lead him into compliance.

·         'Force-only' rape is usually termed when a wife uses just enough force to control or hold her husband in specific position, eg holding him down by his arms or wrists to prevent him defending himself or escaping. This form of rape is common where there is a larger contrast between the age difference and strength of abuser and victim, or in abusive relationships where physical violence is infrequent or non-existent (insofar as one does not categories sexual assault itself as a violent act). In most cases of 'force-only' rape, coercion plays a large part. The victim may also be so confused and numbed by constant emotional abuse, that he simply does not know how to act or react when sex is forced on him.

·         Sadistic rape is gradually increasing in frequency. In such rapes, in addition to the rape itself, the victim is either forced to comply with or undergo deeds designed to further humiliate him. Examples of this would be the abuser/rapist forces the husband to watch a pornographic movie, making threats of seeking sexual pleasure from her ex or new-boyfriend if he does not comply. She would often demean the husband as ‘good for nothing’ in bed, while acting out a fantasy of torturer, or using repeated sex in spite of repeated requests by husband to get some rest or sleep since he has to go to work the next day. Sadistic rape may or may not involve further violence. Some people consider buggery as a sadistic form of rape, since its effect on victim is often particularly humiliating.

It is difficult to clearly separate one form of rape from another, since rape can involve a combination of above mentioned types. For instance, the rapist may use coercion tactics and enough force to control the victim initially, but then will use increased violence if the victim struggles. Many victims of marital rape feel guilty for not having struggled more, or have been told that if they did not try to physically fight their abuser and thereby sustained injuries, they have not suffered 'real rape'. This can be extremely distressing and adds to the emotional, psychological, physical and moral trauma already experienced. What has to be remembered is that when you are living with your abuser, you are often very finely tuned to her, employing numerous coping mechanisms to limit the damage to yourself. You may realize either consciously or subconsciously that if you struggle, she is likely to get violent or take her anger out on you in other ways or abuse your child, ill treat your parents or relatives, make false police complaints of Domestic Violence and make attempts to abuse you financially etc.

 

Other reasons why men do not fight back are fear of disturbing children in the household, lest they should witness their father being raped; a sense of shock or confusion at what is happening which paralyses him; and real concern for his abuser, which results in him not wanting to do anything which may harm or injure his rapist even to the determent of himself. But by far the most common and compelling reason is the fear that if he tries to fight back, everyone including the law and society will term him as “Rapist” rather than acknowledging him as a Victim of “Rape”.

 

It appears that as per Rape LAW and Domestic Violence Act, all Indian women are born in Raja Harish Chandra’s family i.e. they never lie. Whereas all laws and our society believe all men to be rapists and born in Rapist families. Even a Supreme Court Judgment says, a women’s verbal statement is sufficient to term any Tom, Dick and Harry as Rapist. This is possible even if she doesn’t undergo a medical examination to examine whether a rape has even happened or not.

The Unanswered Questions:

Does Rape/Sexual harassment happen at Workplace or Home? Why do we think only women can face sexual assault? Do Men Never face "Sexual Harassment at Workplace or home" as per the wording/action as per proposed Act by WCD?


It is another truth that even: 

"The Law Commission in one of its Report dated March, 2000 had  recommended that laws relating to rape (Sec 375 IPC) be made gender  neutral.

 

It had deliberated about widening the scope of offence under Section 375 & Section 376 IPC, and for these to be made more comprehensive to bring it in tune with current times.

But the recommendation was not accepted.  Why?
  
 

Sex or comment of sex, without mutual consent is termed as rape/sexual harassment as per LAW, then why it considered that men do not face the these situations?"


 

Will our Lawmaker ever take the moral responsibility and courage to replace the words “Men/women” by the word “Person” and replace words “husband/wife” by the word “Spouse”?

Or
Do we continue to suffer and support the ideology/wisdom and action planning of radical Feminist groups “It is the turn to suffer of men ”.